Today marks the start of a new school year.
Yet another change for our family, this year.
For our family, for our kids, it's not just the start of a new school year, it's the beginning of a new life, a life without Lucy.
Jack is starting 8th grade, Megan 6th, and Sophie 3rd. Lucy technically would have started kindergarten, though she never would have actually gone to school, she was too medically fragile. All of her education and therapy services were done in our home.
I dreaded the thought of actually having to sign Lucy up for kindergarten. It's a process for any family, but when you have a child like Luc the process is so much more than just registration. It's about evaluations, IEP meetings, letters of medical necessity, and more meetings. It hurt to think about how different her education was compared to our other kids, so I tried not to, only I'm human and not thinking about it was impossible.
Impossible, is what I am facing today, the fact that I don't even have the opportunity to dread/celebrate her actually starting kindergarten. I'm so sad about this...
FYI, we would have made a big to do about her staring kindergarten:). Our enthusiasm for her carried her for miles! Doesn't it for everyone?
New school year, new school supplies, new schedules, new teachers, new relationships...new life, it's not easy, but we're doing it.
It doesn't always feel like we're doing it, in fact there are days where it feels like we are at a stand still, barely moving at all, but we're doing it even if we are just holding our position.
Some moments are harder than others, and every day is hard! No matter how it appears from the outside, it's hard!
I am so proud of my family, my three kiddos who are continuing to live life in spite of their circumstances.
There were tears shed about missing Lucy, fears about meeting their new teachers and making new friends, and concerns for what to do if their grief gets the better of them. We talked a lot about it. Change is hard, and grief it sucks...the life out of you!
Each of them wore their "For the Love of Lucy" shirts today, as well as took a picture and small memento of her with them to school. My hope and prayer is that it helps them to feel connected to her and more secure in this world of uncertainty.
One foot in front of the other...it's what I tell myself everyday and what I told them to do this morning.
We can do this! It won't be easy, but not doing something because it's too hard...well, that wouldn't be honoring Lucy.
Everyday in honor of Lucy we get up and do the impossible, learn to live life without her.