It's a Girl ...

With tremendous joy and anticipation we are proud to announce the arrival of the newest member of our family...

Life after death...

It's been a while...is anybody still there?

On the topic of life after death there is so much that I can write about the subject, and will, just not today.

Today I want to share with you about a new life after Lucy's death, a life that we still can't believe is happening.  On March 12, what would have been Lucy's 7th birthday, we were gifted a surprise present from Heaven, the news of a new baby!

Surprised? So were we!

It's true for those of you who may have heard the news but have not seen us, or have seen us but were too polite to say anything:).  I am pregnant and we are thrilled to be expecting a new baby, and might I add very soon!  Baby Marlett is expected to make his or her debut sometime in the middle of November.

Finding out we're pregnant one year after loosing our baby girl to a devastating disease, and on her birthday nonetheless, it's nearly impossible to describe the emotions that accompany arguably two of life's greatest changes - life and death.  To simultaneously grieve the loss of Lucy and be joyful for the new life growing and wiggling inside me is indescribable.

We have run the full gamut of emotions, from questioning God yet again for choosing us for this journey, to praising and thanking Him for entrusting us with a new life.  All of the emotions that new expecting parents experience, we are feeling them, in addition to all of the emotions that parents who have experienced the death of a child feel.  Lucy's life and death has forever changed us!

How do the kids feel about the new baby?  They are over the moon thrilled to have a new baby brother or sister in their life.   We believe that Lucy is too.   The kids each believe that Lucy sat with God and picked just the right baby to join our family.

For those of you who are wondering, this has not been an easy pregnancy.   I'm not in my twenties or thirties anymore, but I won't complain, to you anyway :).  Our family of six, God willing, will soon be a family of seven.  We are preparing for yet another huge life change in our house!

Hope...

Today is the reason we have hope...

the reason that we know we will be together again, forever!

Happy Easter

Today it's her birthday...

Today, she would have been seven.  As hard as I try, I can't even imagine what she would be like as a seven-year-old.  I believe this is partly because we lived in the moment with her, fearful of what the future held.  We became experts at living in the present, focusing on what we had right in front of us, loving her for who she was, and not what she could become.  We are so grateful that we were able to have that focus, it was a survival tool.  I suppose this is one of the many transformations that happened to us as her parents, parents to a special needs child, a medically fragile child.

It's difficult to know just how exactly to celebrate her birthday, her death anniversary, Mother's Day, Christmas, the Fourth of July....or really, any holiday without her.  Hallmark hasn't cornered the market on this yet.  Last year we did a toy drive for the hospital in her honor to celebrate her birthday.  This year I just don't have the energy or the emotional capacity to coordinate anything of that magnitude.  You can donate to her research fund at the UMDF.

There will be cake, however! She wouldn't want it any other way.  But the cake has to be, "only a'nilla!" Translation, only vanilla!  For someone who never ate cake, she sure was firm on the flavor she wanted.   There will also be balloons, a doc McStuffins balloon at that, she loved balloons.  Last year the kids did a balloon release, sending their birthday messages to Heaven (Please don't leave a comment about the environmental impact this has on the world. Trust me when I say there are far fewer balloons released since Lucy died than when she was alive :).

When I think of her birthday, I think of each and every year we celebrated her life.  I am so thankful that God gifted us such a special, amazing, extraordinary little girl.  To us, her time here on this earth will always feel too short.

Happy 7th Birthday Lucy Grace!

Remembering...

Today has to go down as one of the hardest days since Lucy died. Like Lucy, we felt surrounded in love.  Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers.  We could never do this alone. 

I wanted to re post this video, we watched it over and over again today both laughing and crying.  We are so very grateful for the memories!

Password:Lucy

One year...

Three hundred sixty-five days, 8,760 hours, 525,949 minutes ago our lives forever changed!  It seems impossible to us that it has been this long since we last held our sweet sweet girl, and yet we know that when compared with eternity this life is short!

 Today, like everyday, we will celebrate and remember the extraordinary life of our little girl, 

Lucy Grace Marlett. 

March 12, 2008 - February 8, 2014

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.  

Psalm 16:11

New Year's Eve...

It has been silent on the pages of this blog for quite some time.  My silence has been intentional.  Our life, it has changed so much in the past year!  It was at this time last year we were realizing our fate, our time with our sweet girl was coming to an end.

I don't know what the new year has in store for us?  I am incapable of living more than one day at a time still, at times even that is too much.  Grief is a journey, and a journey we are on.  

This year, in an effort to survive the enormity of emotions that accompany this season, our family has "run away" for a while.  We are seeking inspiration and joy in the midst of our grief.  You can follow along with us on Instagram if you like, our user name is "allthemarletts".  You can also link to our Instagram images in the upper right hand corner of our blog.

Thanks for loving us and supporting us like you do, we could never do this alone.  We don't have to, and for that we are so grateful.

 

The Fifth Annual UMDF Energy for Life Walkathon...

"Not doing something because it's too hard...well, that wouldn't be honoring Lucy, therefore..."

For the Love of Lucy, please join us

 Saturday, September 27th, 2014

For the Fifth Annual 

 United Mitochondiral Disease Foundation 

Energy for Life Walkathon - Delaware Valley 

At Campbell's Field Stadium  

401 Delaware Avenue Camden, NJ 08102

Registration begins at 7:30am, team photos at 8:30am, 
with the 3k walk around the riverfront to begin promptly at 9:00am!

You can register to join and donate to our team here!

"We could never do this alone, we don't have to, and for that we are so grateful!"

*Please wear your "For the Love of Lucy" T-shirt*

Seven Months...

My dearest Lucy Girl,
I am in a mood today, not unlike most weekends.  Weekends are the absolute worst for missing you, every day is hard, but weekends are even more so!

You died on a Saturday, but you really started "the beginning of the end" of your journey here on this earth on the morning of Friday February 7th.  I relive the last 48 hours or your life every weekend, no matter how much we try to keep ourselves busy or occupied, I can't forget it, I will NEVER forget it.

I can remember with acute accuracy what we were were doing when seven months ago.  At this exact moment seven moths ago  I can remember holding you in my arms for the first time since you were admitted to the hospital on December 16th.  Your hurt so much baby that you didn't want us to hold you.  But on this night, the night of February 7th, you gifted me one of the best gifts of them all, the ability to rock you and hold you in my arms, even shaking your head "yes" when we asked you if you wanted us to hold you.  You were in my arms, allowing me to breath in that oh so familiar Lucy smell from that special spot on the top of your head.  The smell that we have gone in search of in so many of your belongings since your death.  I can remember finding daddy in your room in the middle of the night, shortly after you died, desperately searching for your smell.  Your smell instantly brings us closer to you, I can't explain it any other way.  Oh how my lips ache now from not being able to kiss your forehead,  your sweet sweet lips, or that spot on your neck that was just the perfect fit for my lips to kiss you and my nose to nuzzle into you.

 This weekend your absence is hitting me hard, slamming into my heart and mind - tomorrow marks seven months since you left my arms and flew into the arms of Jesus.  I can only imagine that His love for you is so much more than ours!  I know deep down in my heart that you wouldn't have left us so peacefully if that were not true.  Not a day goes by where we don't wonder what your days in Heaven are like.  Sometimes we joke and say that we won't recognize you when we get to Heaven because you'll be so "fat" from eating all of the yummy food that you were never able to eat while you were here on this Earth.  But then we say, we certainly hope that we don't have to worry about our waistlines in Heaven :).

We had a wonderful opportunity to share your life with others last week, we shared your story for the Radiothon at the hospital.  It's oh so very difficult to walk into that building without you.  I tear up every time I drive through those gates at the entrance of the hospital.  Those gates, they are a reminder to me of the many times I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that we were just moments away from getting you the very best care you needed to feel better.  The people who frequent the halls in that building, they are our "medical family".  Walking those halls without you in your wheelchair is NEVER easy, but it is also like coming home to visit family.  There is nary a corner or doorway that I pass where I don't run into someone who knows and loves you.   What we have experienced together will forever bond us to them.

Helen met us at the hospital to support us while we were at the Radiothon.  Luc she misses you so!  We ate dinner together in the cafeteria for the first time since February.  The grumpy cafeteria worker who liked to ask me, "Why only 1 French Fry?", every time I took you to the cafeteria was working.  He said that he has missed us, really?   I told him that you had died.  It's never easy to say those words...

As we were walking out of the building on Thursday the kids were jumping from colored tile to colored tile, like always, being careful to not step on the blue ones :).  Helen looked teary eyed.  We were both recalling that night, the night you died, the last night we walked that hallway together pushing your empty chair, barely able to step in the direction we were facing.

Luc, I don't know how I've survived this long without you...but I'm doing it baby.  In honor of your extraordinary life, I get up everyday and do the impossible...live life without you.

Your life, it was/is extraordinary and we are always in awe of how many lives you impacted and continue to impact.  We truly believe, girly, that your death is not the end, but rather the beginning of your journey.

We long to hold you again, breath in your Lucy scent, and kiss you in all the same places we kissed you before...

Like we promised you...we're coming too, we'll be there, just not yet.

Lucy's Story...

It felt so good to be able to share our story, Lucy's story, for the Help our Kids Radiothon at AI today.  We LOVE to talk about Lucy!  We had fun giving live interviews to several of the radio stations broadcasting from the hospital cafeteria this afternoon.  Our kids were given a lot of "air time" and had a beautiful opportunity to share their Lucy stories and what is in their hearts.  Our family was there during "crunch time", the energy in the cafeteria was palpable. When we arrived at 3:30 this afternoon the total donations raised were $144,000, impressive, right!  By 6:00pm the final tally was $257,753!

I was given permission to share "Lucy's Story" that was created for the Help Our Kids Radiothon here...

(Warning - you might want to have some tissues available to you when you listen;)

There was a second version of "Lucy's Story" created for the Radiothon that includes the kids and Drew...

Help our Kids Radiothon...

(Totally made them pose this way wearing their raidothon t-shirts...what you can't see is Megan and Sophie laughing their heads off)

Nemours A.I. duPont Hospital for Children is hosting it's 4th Annual Help Our Kids Radiothon to benefit the children who are in need of the very best care. 

We were invited to share Lucy's story, our family's story, for the radiothon this year.  We are honored to be able to tell others about our special girl and just how extraordinary her life is/was!  

"We could never have lived the life we did with Lucy if it wasn't for this hospital.  They helped us to give her the best longest life...they really did!" 

For the next two days, Spetember 3rd and 4th,  the hospital is broadcasting live from the cafeteria on seven different radio stations in the Delmarva region.  Our family's story was pre-recorded(for obvious emotional reasons :), and put to music by one of the very talent DJ's involved with the radiothon.  He referred to the piece that he put together for Lucy, as "the story".  I'm not so sure about that, there are many amazing stories being told.  I do know that what he created from our interview is powerful, beautiful, and honors the hospital, Lucy, and her extraordinary life.  

We would be honored if "For the Love of Lucy" you considered making a donation to a place that we affectionately refer to as "our home away from home".

You can make an online donation by clicking here.  

You can also call 1 855 NEMOURS(636-6877). 

Jack, Megan, and Sophie will be volunteering tomorrow afternoon (September 4th after school until 6pm) answering phones for those who call in and make a donation.  Drew and I will be there too, talking with the various radio stations, sharing about Lucy's life and our experiences at AI.  I know the kids will be thrilled if you called and asked to speak to one of them to give a donation to the hospital in honor of Lucy.  It will make their day!

We are honored to be a part of the Radiothon, and to be able to give back to a place that has given our family so much!

A New School Year...

Today marks the start of a new school year.

Yet another change for our family, this year.

For our family, for our kids, it's not just the start of a new school year, it's the beginning of a new life, a life without Lucy.

Jack is starting 8th grade, Megan 6th, and Sophie 3rd.  Lucy technically would have started kindergarten, though she never would have actually gone to school, she was too medically fragile.  All of her education and therapy services were done in our home.

I dreaded the thought of actually having to sign Lucy up for kindergarten.  It's a process for any family, but when you have a child like Luc the process is so much more than just registration.  It's about evaluations, IEP meetings, letters of medical necessity, and more meetings.  It hurt to think about how different her education was compared to our other kids, so I tried not to, only I'm human and not thinking about it was impossible.

Impossible, is what I am facing today, the fact that I don't even have the opportunity to dread/celebrate her actually starting kindergarten.  I'm so sad about this...

FYI, we would have made a big to do about her staring kindergarten:).  Our enthusiasm for her carried her for miles!  Doesn't it for everyone?

New school year, new school supplies, new schedules, new teachers, new relationships...new life, it's not easy, but we're doing it.

It doesn't always feel like we're doing it, in fact there are days where it feels like we are at a stand still, barely moving at all, but we're doing it even if we are just holding our position.

Some moments are harder than others, and every day is hard!  No matter how it appears from the outside, it's hard!

I am so proud of my family, my three kiddos who are continuing to live life in spite of their circumstances.

There were tears shed about missing Lucy, fears about meeting their new teachers and making new friends, and concerns for what to do if their grief gets the better of them.  We talked a lot about it.  Change is hard, and grief it sucks...the life out of you!

Each of them wore their "For the Love of Lucy" shirts today, as well as took a picture and small memento of her with them to school.   My hope and prayer is that it helps them to feel connected to her and more secure in this world of uncertainty.

One foot in front of the other...it's what I tell myself everyday and what I told them to do this morning.

We can do this!  It won't be easy, but not doing something because it's too hard...well, that wouldn't be honoring Lucy.

Everyday in honor of Lucy we get up and do the impossible, learn to live life without her.

Courage...

cour·age

ˈkərij,ˈkə-rij/

noun

1. the ability to do something that frightens one.

   "she called on all her courage to face the ordeal"

   • strength in the face of pain or grief.

     "he fought his illness with great courage"

     synonyms:

     bravery, courageousness, pluck, pluckiness, valor, fearlessness,intrepidity, nerve, daring, audacity, boldness, grit, true

grit, hardihood,heroism, gallantry; More

Our four amazing kids, my husband, they are the definition of courage!  Last year at this time we were at the beach creating memories to last a lifetime.  

We can't believe that was a year ago!  Today, three of our four kiddos and their dad are spending the day at Hershey Park, one of Lucy's all time favorite places.  She loved it there, not sure why exactly as it's an amusement park and she was not really capable of riding many of the rides, but the smell of chocolate was everywhere :). Luc would often dream of eating all of the peanut butter from all of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, silly girl.  I chose to stay home today, to work in solidarity on some things that need my undivided time and attention.  To be honest, I'm not much of a roller coaster girl myself, the last six years have been enough of an adrenaline rush for me, thank you very much.  But also, I think I want my memories of Hershey park to be the ones that I have with all six of us.  I'm OK with that, and so too is the rest of my family.  Figuring out how to live life without Lucy...it's by far the most difficult thing we will ever have to do in our lives, it requires courage - strength in the face of pain or grief.

And Now She's Nine...

(Photo of her in her Lullaby League costume from the play the Wizard of Oz - July 2014)

Today is Sophie's birthday, a much anticipated event in our house! 

She is "finally" nine, her words not mine.

To her dad and I it feels like she is nine going on nineteen or even ninety.  Seriously, this kid is wise beyond her years!!!!

She is one truly amazing kiddo - so beautiful on the inside and out!

What she has experienced in her nine years on this earth, many have not experienced in a lifetime.

Last night she was praying and asked God to give her the strength to get through today without Lucy.  Cue the Mama's tears!   She told God how she is going to miss having Lucy blow out her candles with her and sing "Happy Birthday" over, and over, and over, and over...

Beautiful, smart, silly, independent, faithful Sophie we love you and hope that Nine is everything you want it to be, and then some.

I was here...

We miss seeing her beautiful face everyday, and thought you might be missing her too.  

Password: Lucy

Warning: Tissue Alert

We are doing the impossible...

My silence on the pages of this blog has been somewhat intentional.

We are living with what is considered by many to be "the worst thing that can happen to a parent".

 If truth be told, I've needed some time to process.

I have been writing, it's just one of the many ways I try and process things.  I just haven't published a lot of what I have written.  Maybe one day I will...as for now I am feeling too vulnerable, too emotional.

It's impossible for me, for us, to believe that today August 8th, 2014 at 7:34pm marks six months, 181 days, 4,344 hours since our Lucy died and went to Heaven.

Impossible!

Six months, a half a year, feels like something we should commemorate, it's a substantial amount of time.

I believe that I have discovered one of the many places where evil resides...it's in the numbers, dates that hold significance to an emotional event, the clock, the calendar...

In so many ways, it feels as if her death just occurred, and in other ways it feels as if an eternity has passed.

I think it goes without saying, we miss her more than words can describe!  More often than not I'm unsure of how I'm going to survive one more minute without her, but I promise to God, to Lucy, myself, and the rest of my family that I will continue to do my best with what I have, and try!

I know I've said this before, and I'll probably say it for the rest of my life, everyday in honor of Lucy we get up and do the impossible...attempt to live life without her.

For the Love of Lucy Forever Fridays...

It was right around the time Lucy died that our kids came up with a way of remembering their sister.  

They and their closest friends devised a plan to each wear their Lucy Shirts on Friday, which quickly turned into every Friday.  

At first, I'll be honest, I didn't notice the pattern.  It wasn't until Megan had a melt down in front of a huge pile of dirty laundry on a Friday morning just weeks after Lucy died that I was clued into the pattern.   Crying to me inconsolably, Megan told me through her tears that she NEEDED to wear her Lucy shirt because it was FRIDAY.  

Out of curiosity now,  I asked her what the significance of wearing her Lucy shirt on a Friday meant.  

To her, it meant the world!  

Wearing her shirt every Friday was her way of keeping Lucy alive in her heart and the hearts of so many who love and support her, Lucy,  and our entire family for that matter.  

Tomorrow Friday August 8, 2014 marks six months since Lucy left this earth and ascended into Heaven where she will live for eternity.   If you are one of the hundreds who own a Lucy shirt, would you please join us in wearing your Lucy shirt tomorrow on what will be not just another For the Love of Lucy Forever Friday, but the six month anniversary of her death. 

It would mean the world to us, to our kids!

We could never do this alone, we don't have to, and for that we are so grateful! 

Lucy in the Sky...

One of our all time fav's... Lucy in the Sky - September 2008

Ever since Lucy died Drew has been looking for Lucy in the sky.  

This might sound silly to some of you, especially if you know my husband, an astute scientist who studies data and looks for trends and statistical significance.  

He is looking at the cloud formations, looking for the letters in Lucy's name.   

He takes pictures of the cloud letters and then shows them to me, asking me if I see what he sees.  

I love that he does this.  

I love that he is looking for her, in the sky nonetheless.  I mean, who doesn't know the infamous Beetles song "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds"?  

It doesn't make any sense, but neither does the death of a child.

On Monday night when we returned home from a marathon day, Drew called to me to look up in the sky.  For a very brief moment there was a cloud formation that looked as if it read "Lucy", every letter in her name was practically visible.  

Just as quickly as it appeared it disappeared; too fast for us to even photograph, but we both saw it.  Lucy in the sky...  

He's one of the best!  Lucy and Daddy - January 2014

One Hundred Days...

Drew and I woke this morning with that now all too familiar look in our eyes.

The look that says, "I miss her!"

One hundred days ago we thanked God for the precious gift of Lucy and then handed her back to him and said, "She's yours, take good care of her!"

We reiterated to Lucy in her final moments how very proud we are of her, how she accomplished everything she was sent to this earth to do and was now free to go, how much we love her, and that we will see her again soon.

For Lucy, we have been told, that it will feel like a blink of an eye and then we will be there in Heaven with her for eternity.

For us, one hundred days feels like an eternity...

How are we?

We are like a family on a wire, one wrong move and we all fall!  We are here for one another, and we don't for one second take that for granted!

Grief is fierce.

Feelings just are.

We miss the way life used to be.

We miss our girl.

One hundred days ago I had no idea what this type of pain felt like, NO idea.

One hundred days ago I never imagined that I could live one day without Lucy, let alone one hundred days.

One hundred days ago our life forever changed in a way that will never be able to be "fixed".

One hundred days ago I only knew the myths of grief, now I am beginning to understand the realities.

One hundred days ago Lucy took with her a bit of all of our hearts.  She is keeping them with her until we meet again, where we will once again be made whole. 

One hundred days of grieving, it's only just the beginning, we will grieve for the rest of our lives.

 

About the concert...

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed

soothes the mind and gives it rest

heals the heart and makes it whole

flows from Heaven to the the soul"

Annonymous

The evening of May 3rd exceeded our expectations in every way!!!!  This has happened to us a lot recently.  We wonder if our little red-headed blue eyed angel in heaven has anything to do with this :).

I want to thank all of you who came out for a lovely night of music and remembrance.  It was a powerful evening!  We continue to be humbled and stand in awe of the love and support that surrounds our family.

Our fears vanished as the concert hall began to fill.  The kids Lemonade stand was a huge success, thank you for supporting them.  Your $1.00 donation, multiple it times a million, because to the kids that is how proud and thankful they were to be able to contribute the donations to Lucy's research fund.

Thank you for supporting us in our efforts to raise awareness and funds for a disease that, whether we like it or not, has forever changed our lives.

Even more so, thank you for loving our family, our girl, and telling us how much you miss her and how her life has changed yours.  As parents, as a mama, hearing your words, sharing your grief with us, it is perhaps the best gift you could give to us.

I may cry when I talk to you, please don't be afraid, my tears come from an overflowing heart.

To continue to hear that Lucy's life made a difference in yours...that is the ultimate gift of her life.  Her life mattered, my heart believes that is what God intended for her life, to matter.

All of the musicians who volunteered their time and their talents to perform the perfect family concert in honor of Lucy were in a word...amazing.  Thank you!

We were honored, our Lucy Grace was celebrated and acknowledged, and we were moved to tears by the love and passion that filled the room.

Many of the music selections were based off our four kiddos recommendations.  We were not at all surprised to hear lots of Disney movie music; selections from Toy Story, Frozen, and Lucy's favorite the Lion King.  She loved the "Circle of Life".

Bob invited everyone in the audience who knew the words to sing along to the music from Frozen.  There were lots of little mouths seen singing "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" and "Let it Go".  Sophie, Megan, and even Jack (shhh, don't tell him I told you:) sang their hearts out!

In addition, Bob selected a few more traditional pieces to play.  His selections were so meaningful, sharing with us, the audience, his reasons for why he choose the pieces he did.  All of them had a personal meaning to Lucy.  

Jack's debut performance was (pardon my boasting:) AWESOME!  Just before we arrived for the concert he prayed for just some of Lucy's courage.  He wanted to honor her by being brave and not allowing stage freight to overcome him.  He also wanted to WOW the audience by nailing the piano introduction to Harry Potter.   Go ahead and listen for yourself, he won't mind :).

Our friends Bob and Jill, if I haven't mentioned it already, they are amazing!  Thank you for all that you do for us, for your love and support, thoughts and prayers.

We could never do this alone, we don't have to; for that we are so grateful!